The Fiver | Triumphant and in a slightly more advanced state of decomposition

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At around the same time on Wednesday that a sorry band of discontented millionaires held a weird gathering that enabled their leader to stagger on with dwindling confidence for no useful purpose, members of Britain’s Tory party were doing something similar in London. But in Valencia José Mourinho was not in celebratory mood after a meeting from which his Manchester United emerged both triumphant and in a slightly more advanced state of decomposition, hobbling onwards into the knockout stages of Big Cup like fashionably-coiffed zombies. It was almost as if the only people that could be truly happy about that progress were all the clubs who could be drawn against the mid-table English drudges in the next round.

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