The Fiver | Howls of anguish at the modern proclivity of new-fangled coaches

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Seconds away for round two of the Premier League, following an opening weekend The Fiver couldn’t help notice was a little low on surprises. Southampton didn’t score, José fell out with one of his players, Manchester City won doing cartwheels and Sam Allardyce appeared as a guest on Goals On Sunday, perched on the studio settee in the traditional out-of-work manager role, commonly reserved for vultures like the former Limerick, Blackpool, Notts County, Bolton, Newcastle, Blackeye Rovers, West Ham, Sunderland, England, Crystal Palace and Everton gaffer, who would like to remind any watching chairmen that they are still knocking around and very much available. As season openers go, the first round of fixtures were entertaining enough alright, but lacked the kind of thriller that would have got the collective juice flowing ahead of similar humdingers to come.

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