A list of things The Fiver promises will absolutely happen in 2019

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The last year was one of false promises. England were meant to crash out earlier in the Ethics World Cup and ended up doing rather well. Arsène Wenger said in October he had received “enquiries from all of the world” for his services and “will start work again on 1 January”. Yet here we are, 2 January, and the Frenchman is still paying for his own petrol. Weird Uncle Fiver promised to lay off Purple Tin on Christmas morning. The state of them.

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