The Fiver | The lowly standards of Scottish refereeing

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With club football on an international break so those who play it can see “other people”, The Fiver finds itself scrabbling down the back of our Big Sofa O’News in the hope of finding something – anything – with which to pacify the impatient mob of pike- and torching-wielding readers congregating at the gates of Fiver Towers demanding their daily dose of biting satire from the world’s most tea-timely email. Finding little of interest down there, beyond some loose change, Lord Lucan and a portal to another dimension that smelled ever so slightly of wet Labrador, we were excited when our phone rang and the name of our Fistfight-drinking, See you, Jimmy-saying, Tam O’Shanter-wearing Scottish cousin Shortbread McFiver flashed up on screen.

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