The Fiver | It isn’t easy leading the plucky little underdogs

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“Waah!” José Mourinho cried. “Waah! Waah! This pre-season is very bad! Waah! Waah! Why is Luke Shaw still here? Waah! Waah! Where’s my £1bn transfer budget? Waah! Waah! How can I be expected to work in these conditions? Waah! Waah! Waah! How come Pep is allowed nice new toys and I’m not allowed any nice new toys? How come I still have to look at my Anthony Martial figurine? It isn’t fair! Waah! Waah! Waah!” On and on he went. Everyone else looked at the floor, hoping the manager of Manchester United would tire himself out, or that someone would tickle his tummy, but the little guy showed no sign of slowing down.

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