Robbie Williams singing Let Me Entertain You before Russia v Saudi Arabia

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Wallchart affixed to fridge door with novelty football magnets? Tick. Panini album half-filled in and forgotten about? Tick. Seventeen different World Cup supplements devoured and scoured? Tick. Profiles of all 736 players travelling to Russia from Big Website’s interactive memorised? Tick. Big Paper’s 100-page guide to World Cup 2018 on standby for pub debate settlement? Tickety-tick tick tick! Armed with all the requisite gear but still as clueless as ever, your World Cup FiveЯ is so wound up with anticipation it could be nicknamed “The Fever”, so giddy with excitement do we find ourselves as we continue the countdown to Thursday, when the competition kicks off.

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