The Fiver | Slump in a darkened room listening to some classic chillout

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Having spent many nights during its formative years gurning in big fields surrounded by thousands of happy people, The Fiver has a certain amount of sympathy for how Phil Jones must be feeling, the day after the night before. Like-minded individuals will be familiar with the comedown we’re talking about here – a restless night’s twisting and turning is followed by an overwhelming feeling of paranoia and a horrible fear you almost certainly made a complete fool of yourself. Then, when you eventually pluck up the courage to leave the house, complete strangers are pointing and laughing at you. Of course, there the difference between The Fiver and Phil Jones tends to end, because whereas our anxiety was invariably baseless and fuelled by cheap artificial stimulants, complete strangers are actually pointing and laughing at him following Wednesday night’s comedy own goal.

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