The Fiver | Another major triumph for masculinity in 2017

In today’s Fiver: World Cup play-offs, Zlatan’s ego and plenty more besides

These are mixed times for the Home Nations. Shortbread McFiver, our stereotypical Scottish cousin, is nearing breaking point. First there was the indignity of Wee Gordy’s genetics lesson in the wake of failing to qualify for the World Cup, before David Moyes decided that replacing Slaven Bilic at Taxpayers FC was a better option than managing Scotland. Finally, in another major triumph for masculinity in 2017, Thursday night’s failure derby with Holland at Pittodrie will feature the spectacle of friendly text message b@nter’s Malky Mackay taking caretaker charge against D1ck Advocaat’s Total Shambles.

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